A few days ago, we celebrated our Lunar New Year, so I should have
written something nice or happy but I don't feel good enough to write
about those things.
Even though you know things don't happen in
the ways we want they to sometimes (actually they don't usually) for
damn sure, they still disappoint you just because you have put so much
hope in them. More tragically, you know you could do 99375764223 times
better than the result you received, but the fact just turned you down.
It's so cruel and heart-breaking and you have to accept it as you have
no choice, but you just can't do it.
It is ironic as well. If things are totally disappointing, you'll
find it easier to react and accept. But they just aren't. The overall
result is better than the previous one, but it's not what you expected.
Thus, you don't know how to react. Smile or cry? You can't do neither of
them. Moreover, everyone has tried to comfort you, saying things that
you have heard for trillion times like "it's not the most importance" or
"what you have is many people's dream". But IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT. They
just don't understand your feeling because they are not you and they are
not in your situation. Now I understand how my friend felt when she
received an unexpected result a year ago. And now I know why all of what
I did at that time to try to console her didn't work. It hurts like a
failure.
I just don't know what to do now, so writing seems to be
the best solution, especially when you are lost in communication. Gloomy
thought would bother me for a day long, even for 2 days, 3 days many
days, I don't care. It's warm and sunny today but it's just not a
beautiful day to me.