A few days ago, we celebrated our Lunar New Year, so I should have written something nice or happy but I don't feel good enough to write about those things.
Even though you know things don't happen in the ways we want they to sometimes (actually they don't usually) for damn sure, they still disappoint you just because you have put so much hope in them. More tragically, you know you could do 99375764223 times better than the result you received, but the fact just turned you down. It's so cruel and heart-breaking and you have to accept it as you have no choice, but you just can't do it.
It is ironic as well. If things are totally disappointing, you'll find it easier to react and accept. But they just aren't. The overall result is better than the previous one, but it's not what you expected. Thus, you don't know how to react. Smile or cry? You can't do neither of them. Moreover, everyone has tried to comfort you, saying things that you have heard for trillion times like "it's not the most importance" or "what you have is many people's dream". But IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT. They just don't understand your feeling because they are not you and they are not in your situation. Now I understand how my friend felt when she received an unexpected result a year ago. And now I know why all of what I did at that time to try to console her didn't work. It hurts like a failure.
I just don't know what to do now, so writing seems to be the best solution, especially when you are lost in communication. Gloomy thought would bother me for a day long, even for 2 days, 3 days many days, I don't care. It's warm and sunny today but it's just not a beautiful day to me.